Dear Kristen,
I just wanted to drop you a line to let you know that the new gear you purchased at the Nike Employee Store last week is NOT for running.  It is for "training."  (Silly me, I thought running was training.)  Like, strength training (I guess) and working out with your personal trainer.  Your new capris? Totally not for running.  Remember that time you tried to wear them as you ran? How by the end of the first block you were afraid bystanders were going to mistake you for a teenage boy who doesn't know how to pull up his pants?  Yeah...that isn't a good look when your "pants" look like this: 
They don't look like this on me. Nope. Not at all. 

  It is a good thing that they're wildly comfortable, but stop fantasizing about wearing them all of the time.  They will start to smell and you will lose your friends.

Also, stop wearing your new sports bra while running.  It's chafing you.  On your neck.  You look like you have hickeys all the time.  You can wear your other bras, you know the ones that don't chafe?  If you continue down this line you'll be a chafed smelly person.  Do you want to be that person? I know you don't.  Just stop.

Thanks dear! I just don't want you to lose your friends. I really do have your best interests at heart.

Lots of love,

P.S. Will you please, for the love of all you hold dear, PLEASE START YOGA AGAIN.


Your Big Sis said...

Hehehehe. Sounds like things are going super well. Your DC big sis who can't smell you will still be your friend regardless ;)

Anonymous said...

Don't stop blogging now! I am training for my first marathon, (NYC!) and I need a blog that's not about how you're hoping to slip in under 3 hours and be given the key to the city and finally burn that last quarter millimeter of fat off your left ankle etc etc etc. I'm hoping to run the whole way, finish on the same day I started, and live to tell the tale. I relate to you. Replace "crochet" in your profile with "knit" and you're me. And I have a Big Sis (named Kristen) who would be my friend regardless of odor. See? I need you. Please keep blogging!