I did a Google search of the term “perfect moment” earlier this evening. Among the various hits for wedding and other special occasion photography sites, was one explanation of a perfect moment that I really enjoyed. Here it is:
“A perfect moment is an experience with others when time stands still. It is a time full of the present, when the past is left behind and the future is set aside. It is a special time of focused attention and heightened awareness….All that matters is this moment—the people [you] are with and the conversation [you] are having now.”

Perfect moments don’t come around often. Some people try to make them happen, and one would only assume that they often fail. Perfect moments aren’t made, aren’t forced…they’re not created they seem to just happen.

I’ve only experienced one perfect moment in my life.

I turned 25 last February. I am fortunate enough to have a birthday that routinely falls during President’s Day weekend, and so this year some friends and I decided to get out of the city for the weekend. We went to a tiny little resort town on the Oregon Coast, Manzanita, and spent the day playing on the beach.

At sunset we had finally checked into our hotel, which had a balcony that was literally overlooking the beach, and we opened a bottle of wine. Music was turned on and the four of us sat on the balcony to watch the sunset. It was a perfect moment. A beautiful soul song came on, the four of us simply sat there and watched the sunset and for a moment life was perfect. I couldn’t imagine anything more that I wanted or needed.



Overwhelmingly Under Whelmed

I joined Netflix two weeks ago. I love it. What a great deal for someone who routinely forgets to return movies by the due date and racks up increasingly more expensive late fees. Also, since moving to Portland I’ve not found a video rental store with the same charm as Howard Hughes and thus I’ve been purchasing movies I wish to watch instead. Thumbs up from this girl.
I received my latest bundle of movies in the mail yesterday, “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,” “Sideways” and “Sicko.” I watched Sicko last night.

I would consider my self to be a fan of Michael Moore. I remember watching Bowling for Columbine as a sophomore in college and the rage and frustration and feeling the film brought out. I’m sure much of that had to do with my context of the subject matter. I was sophomore in high school when Columbine happened and I remember the absolute fear that followed. I remember the bomb threats that were made at my high school; I remember the banner of support we sent to their high school. But mostly I remember my friend’s suicide that happened exactly a week later. It was a tough week to be a high schooler.

I had the same intense feelings after watching Fahrenheit 911. I’m sure everybody did. Liberal or not that film was guaranteed to get a rise out of anybody. I took an Ethics class focused on Propaganda in college and chose that film to center the main project around. I must have viewed that film at least 20 times that semester. And every single time I watched it, I was moved to tears.

I went in to watching “Sicko” with great expectations. I expected to be outraged. I expected to be hopelessly sad. I expected to feel indignation that Moore would attempt to slander a field in which I work. I expected to be horrified. I expected to feel something. I didn’t.

I was under whelmed.

When the film was over, and my roommate and I were discussing our views I was having trouble finding the right words. Inane seemed to fit, but not completely. Banal, maudlin…all words I fear, and words I use often in criticism didn’t fit correctly. Naïve. This film is overwhelmingly naïve.

I’m not really sure where to go from here. Thoughts need to be collected and processed.

On a side note…I’m still having nightmares from seeing “The Dark Knight.”


Welcome back welcome back welcome back

I’ve not updated this blog in approximately nine months. I wish I could say that I was doing something productive during that time, you know changing lives, doing something important, curing cancer or whatnot, I’m afraid I’ve just been too uninspired to write anything even if for a blog which I’m pretty sure that I’m the only person who reads.

I used to love writing. It used to be very easy for me to do. I’d create little stories all of the time. I remember my first attempt to write a novel. I had this five subject notebook, it was turquoise, and it was full of my story of a girl. Her name was Laura, her love’s name was Gilbert and they were the happiest couple in all the world. I was 11. My favorite books at the time were The Little House on the Prairie series and the Anne of Green Gables series…so one can tell where my character’s names came from. I also distinctly remember that one section of the book was devoted to my drawings of the beautiful gowns that Laura surely wore. She wasn’t a princess…I had no patience for princesses who frivoled their lives away being served and petted, she was a smart girl, who read a lot, who was a little stubborn, and she had a big family. Gilbert was a nice boy, they got along well and he worshipped the ground she walked on. I think I even wrote a kissing scene for them. How scandalous. Anyway, I would spend hours writing this story. I thought of it as my life’s work. Ah. To be 11 again.

I loved writing all through Junior High and High School. I took the Creative Writing classes, I was a member of the Literary Magazine, I never complained about writing stories for class like other students. I look back over the various poems and stories and vignettes that I wrote and I marvel that I had the courage to write them. I no longer identify my self as a writer, I identify my self as a reader. I think the more literature I read, and the more able I was to become an adept critic the less confidence I had in my self as a writer. I’m a great reader, I’ll read anything you hand me. I’ve only enforced the 50 page rule on a handful of books that I’ve read (Wicked…a terrible terrible book)

So I guess I’ll just fill out this little meme:

1. If you had the choice to spin around the sun, or walk on the moon, which would you choose and why?: Let’s go with walk on the moon, as I’m not quite certain what spinning around the sun entails.

2. If you could share that experience with one person, who would that be, and why?: I would go for a walk on the moon with, well I don’t know anyone who was willing to go with me.

3. What colour do you think best describes you and why?: I enjoy the color pink a great deal.

4. Do you know what your element is?: Air. I think. Yes, Aquarius is an air sign. I know because I have a book about it. Aquarius is also a fixed sign, which means that though the “air” element adds a spontaneous aspect there is a distinct lack of flexibility due to the fixed quality.

5. Do you know your astrological sign?: Yes. See above. I’m an Aquarius.

6. Do you believe that your dreams are a gateway to your soul?: I sure hope not. I dream about work quite often.

7. What is your most vivid dream?: I dream about work quite often. And it is very vivid.

8. If you could be doing anything right now, what would you be doing and why?: I would really like to be at the beach right now.

9. If you could only choose one element to surround yourself with either a)wind, b)fire, c)earth, or d)water, which would you choose and why?: Water. I feel much more comfortable in water than I do any where else.

10. Would you ever share you heart completely with someone else? If yes, who, if no, why not?: Yes. Who? I don't know. Whoever is the one who shares his heart completely with me too.

11. Who runs circles around your mind?: Usually my patients.

12. If you had to paint a self-portrait would you make it a)realistic, b)abstract, or c)you'd rather die than have to pick up a paint brush? Abstract. I like symbolism. And it would also be easier for me to do.

13. Which do you prefer more and why, a)natural light, b)candle light, c)florescent light, or d)moonlight? I like all but the fluorescent light.

14. Do you believe in karma? Do you even know what karma is?: I do know what karma, and I would say I believe in it to a certain extent.

15. How about fate? Are we all fulfilling a destiny here on earth?: I’m less certain about fate. What about free will?

16. Who is the most thought-provoking person you know, and why?: I know several.

17. Who is the most inspiring and why?: Frank.

18. If you had to spend the rest of your natural life with only one other human being, who would that be and why?: I don’t know. I cannot fathom spending my life with only one person.

19. Which sense could you not live without, and why?: Touch. Because it would be terrible not to feel anything.

20. Have you ever written on a mirror? If so what did you write?: I have. I wrote lots of things on the mirrors in my first ever apartment.

21. Have you ever written or drawn on another person? If so who, and what did you write/draw?: I have. Swim team, we drew all over each other all of the time.

22. What do you wish on?: I don’t wish on much.

23. Tell the person who sent this to you one thing about yourself, however big or small, that you've never told before.: I took this from my old livejournal. I know all my own secrets.

24. Right now is your life, spiraling, or ascending?: I think I’m in a holding pattern.

25. If you could change one thing you did in the last 24 hours, what would it be and why?: I would have not stood in the shower while scrubbing the walls thereby introducing harsh chemicals to my feet and legs.

26. What can someone do to you that would turn you on fully, physical or mental, or both?: Challenge me.

27. Do you prefer sleeping outside beneath the night sky, or your cozy bed indoors?: I think my bed outside would be fantastic. I’d like to try it, however this being Portland…I think I’ll keep it inside.

28. What is the most beautiful thing in the world?: The Sawtooth Mountains.

29. Name one person whose changed your life for the better.: My parents.

30. Name one person whose changed your life for the worse.:

31. If you knew you were going to pass away within the next few days, what would be the last thing you say, and who would you say that to?: It's been a great ride. Grandpa Art...you really summed it up.

32. Do you believe in heaven? If so what do you think it will be like?: Yes. Heavenly.

33. Would you rather a)run through a sunflower field, b)jump inside a waterfall, or c)hike through the woods? Why?: The waterfall sounds the most appealing right now.

34. What is your worst fear in the world? Does it consume you?: Killing someone. It does at times.

35. What is one thing that can make you smile no matter what mood your in?: The Sound of Music.

36. If you could meet anyone, past or present, dead or alive, who would you meet and why?:

37. Have you ever written poetry? Have you shared it?: Yes. Yes.

38. Do you believe experimentation can be a good thing?: Yes.

39. What was the last thing someone said to you?: Do you need anything?

40. What was the last thing you said to them? No.

41. If you had the ability to change one thing about the world, what would it be and why?: I'd make it happier I think.

42. If you could go back in time, where would you go, what would you do, and why?: I always felt that I missed out by missing the 60’s.

43. What is the most bizzare thing you've ever done to yourself?: Um.

44. And finally, what makes you you?: I don't think there is any one definitive thing that makes an individual and individual. It's the interesting combination of things. So it is that interesting combination that makes me me.