This Longing
by Martin Steingesser

                ...awoke to rain
around 2:30 this morning
thinking of you, because I'd said
only a few days before, this

is what I wanted, to lie with you in the dark
listening to how rain sounds
in the tree beside my window,
on the sill, against the glass, damp

cool air on my face. I am loving
fresh smells, light flashes in the
black window, love how you are here
when you're not, knowing we will

lie close, nothing between us; and maybe
it will be still, as now, the longing
that carries us
into each other's arms

asleep, neither speaking
least it all too soon turn to morning, which
it does. Rain softens, low thunder, a car
sloshes past.

the good stuff

Okay. Enough with the blueness. There are good things happening in my life. There really are! It's just so much easier to narrow your attention on the negative and bad stuff isn't it? Yes indeed. I know this, and whenever a particular friend seems to fixated on the negatives in his life I make him tell me five positive things that he has going for him, and that he isn't allowed to even mention the negatives. So that's what I'm going to do for myself this morning. Five positive things that I have going for me.

1. I found a new music love. Ray LaMontagne. I do NOT know how my radar has missed him until now. But Oh. My. Goodness. I love him. I love his music. Even though Chris calls him "Rayla" and states that sometimes he can't tell that it's a man singing. I maintain that he doesn't know what he's talking about when it comes to music. Ha. Interweb, if you haven't listened to him, just click play on this nifty little youtube player. This song is my favorite, and I've just started it for the fifth time in a row.


2. On Friday I'm heading up to Seattle to spend the weekend with family. I have a lot of family, and I get to see a good portion of them this weekend. I'm lucky that I have family that lives in the Portland Metro Area, so I don't feel totally all alone here, but I get to see family I haven't seen in over a year. Plus, it's my brother's 22nd birthday. I love my brother. Happy Birthday Brother! I'm super excited to go to the Mariner's game and bother you with all the questions that make you shake your head and wonder why you ever bothered to invite me. Yay!

3. I love my new apartment. It's in a fantastic neighborhood, and I love that I can walk pretty much everywhere I need to go. Minus work. Also, the neighborhood had a street fair on Saturday. The Belmont Street Fair. They took one intersection and they made a little yard out of it. It was snazzy. Also, see that red building? It's home to a Stumptown Coffee Shop. Best coffee in the world. I promise you. Also. This is a mere two blocks from my house. Ha! So dangerous that I live so close to such good coffee. So dangerous. But also good!

4. I finally finished Erin's Boston Blanket and Dawn's Nugget Snuggler! My major summer projects, the ones that I wasn't sure that I was going to be able to finish with the move and oppressive heat. But they're done! Done! Done! Here...I'll put pictures up too! I won't toy with your intelligence and explain which is the baby blanket. (Hint: it has more pink than the other one.) So now I'm moving on to new projects. I'm making some cute little toys for a friend's kiddos (who I babysat the other day...you want a story? THAT'S a story...) And then onto a list of 3 afghans. One for friends who just broke ground on their first house! Yay! Two for dear friends who are getting married next summer. Wait. Maybe four are needed. Heavens! I should get a move on these blankets!

5. Most importantly, and most impressively, I have amazing friends. Whether they're sending me loves from all the way from DC, New York or Boston. Whether they're just saying hi on a lonely Saturday night. Whether they're willing to sit and listen to me cry after a particularly miserable day at work, or to have dinner waiting for me when I get home. I am truly truly lucky to have such wonderful people in my life. I love you all. You are the best thing that is happening in my life. Thank you.

I'm blue interweb. Maybe it's the changing season, maybe I'm just tired, maybe it's work, maybe it's the awful news I just got about a lifelong friend. Probably a combination of all of the above. Either way, I'm blue and I just can't seem to shake it.

But that's silly. It's okay to be sad sometimes. It's not affecting my life, really, I still got out of bed this morning. I made breakfast for my roommates. I went to the gym. I cleaned my room. Took a shower. Am still productive. I just feel sad.