No On Knew Where We Were

I have a fantastic friend (who shall remain nameless for the sake of privacy) who loves music. I mean LOVES LOVES LOVES music. This often results in yours truly going to concerts of bands for free. And then there are the concerts that are actually paid for. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I go to a lot of concerts, and thus have been introduced to several fantastic bands. Last Saturday, Midlake, was introduced to my musical appetite, and they are fantastic. Note to all music lovers: check out Midlake, you won't be sorry.

How do you meet people in a big city? I don't like meeting people (and by people I mean boys) at bars. Because who wants to be with a boy that you met at a bar? The boys that I meet at the bars (bar) that I go to are NOT my type. They're flat out silly. They dance up to you and don't take a hint when you try to ditch them. Hello boys of Portland, I am not the typical go to club and find a one night stand kind of girl. Hmm. Oh well.

So I guess my points can be sumarised to:
1. listen to Midlake
2. don't expect to find a great guy at a nightclub



Extended Family

Family. While my immediate family is on the average size for most American homes (mom, dad, brother, sister and dog), my extended family is quite large. Both of my parents come from large Catholic families. My brother is the third of eight, and my mother is the third of seven. Most of my aunts and uncles are married with children, and both my grandmas and one grandpa is still alive. Add in various second cousins and great aunts and uncles and I probably have family in the majority of the states in the union.
I do have one cousin who lives in the metro area with me, she lives about 20 miles away from my apartment, in a suburb of PDX, and after living here for a good month and a half we finally connected over this past Labor Day weekend. It was fantastic. You have to realize that I moved from a town that I spent the majority of my life is the same town that my parents live in. And even when I moved thirty miles away, my family was less than an hour away. And now I live six hours and almost 400 miles away from my parents, which I realize isn’t too far, but far enough. And now I appreciate family more than I ever knew.

I think that’s all I have to say. I don’t really remember what my original point is.


Food is not Love

I have three roommates. We live in a three bedroom two bathroom apartment in the southwest part of Portland. We're right near a lot of major shopping centers in Beaverton, but our address places us firmly within Portland City limits. There are four of us living in a fairly small space, and there is a cat as well, so we're approximately the size of an average American family. The problem is, three of us have graduated from college and the third is going to start in September, none of us seem to grasp the concept of buying groceries for 4 people. We're always out of food.
But that's better than always being out of money.


The Story of My Feelings

I somehow ended up with a free 45-day subscription to the newspaper. And so, since I am currently enjoying a week off from work, I read the paper every morning. I sit on the couch and drink my coffee and read the newspaper. It makes me feel deliciously adult for about 20 minutes until I get to the comics section. Sometimes they’re the only part of the paper that I can read without getting incurably sad.
I feel sad a lot these days. Actually I feel a wide range of emotions every single day, which is unusual for me because I usually try to control and suppress emotion. I would make an excellent WASP. But I’m not. I’m just repressed. Well except for now. Now I’m feeling the emotions, though I seem to be putting on a pretty good front for the people around me. It’s bizarre to me, having people say that I seem so calm and collected all of the time. I don’t feel that way, I usually feel as though I’m running in a thousand different directions at once and like I don’t know which way is up.
That’s exactly how I feel now. Like I don’t know which way is up. Like I don’t know if I’m happy that I moved to Portland, if I’m happy at my job. If I like my job. I just feel a roller coaster every day. I know the only thing I truly feel is that I have no business being a nurse. I don’t feel smart enough to do this job. I feel like I learned nothing at school. And I know, intellectually that I am smart enough for this job, and that what I’m feeling is very common for all graduate nurses, it just makes me feel very very vulnerable. I’m not used to feeling like I could fail at something.
It’s not that I’m unhappy, because I’m not. I’m just not used to all this emotion I guess. It’s been a big summer though. Lots of change. Lots of life changing events. Some, even, that I’m not ready to deal with yet.

I never know how to end blogs. Or e-mails. Or telephone conversations for that matter. So I’ll just leave you all with my usual and brief “okay, bye.”



I wish I didn't feel so cliche when I allow myself to recognize that I do really really want to get married.


Getting to Know You

In the spirit of "getting to know you." (Or me, since blogs are just another way to pacify our egos, you know, just incase someone cares.) I've decided to use the "Top 25 Most Played Songs" button on my iTunes to share with the whole internet just which songs, out of all the thousands stored on my hard drive that I listen to the most. Though, to be honest since the purchase of my iPod, I'm not so certain this is an accurate count. Oh well. It works. And because I am a narcissist, I will be explaining why I love each and every song. (Included in parentheses will be the playcount)

Without further ado:
#25 -- "Hallelujah" Rufus Wainwright -- I know the Leonard Cohen version is the official version. However this one is just so sad and meloncholy and always makes me think of my only serious heartbreak. Oh and Shrek. (76)

#24 -- "The Last Dance" Frank Sinatra -- I go through phases where I only want to listen to Frakie, Dino and the rest of the pack. And I'm pretty sure this is going to play this music at my future (and hypothetical) wedding. (76)

#23 -- "Can't Help Falling In Love" Elvis Presley -- I went to a taping of "A Prarie Home Companion" last summer and during the intermission Garrison Keillor lead the whole audience in singing this song. It was fantastic. I went home and bought the song off iTunes. (77)

#22 -- "America" Simon&Garfunkel -- I love this song. And I think it would make a good movie. (79)

#21 -- "Snow is Gone" Josh Ritter -- I love his music. If it is possible to fall in love with music, I think I fell in love with his. (83)

#20 -- "Let it Be" The Bealtles -- My first music love. I went through phase, called High School, where I listened to the Beatles and the Beatles only. I've since branched out, but I still love all the British Invasion Bands. (83)

#19 -- "If Not Now..." Tracy Chapman -- When I was little my brother spent a significant amount of time in the hospital. I remember sitting on my mom's lap while she listened to this album. Ever since then this music just sounds like home, and like someone who loves me. (84)

#18 -- "F-Stop Blues" Jack Johnson -- College man. Isn't that where everyone gets into Jack Johnson? (85)

#17 -- "What am I to You?" Norah Jones -- I love Norah Jones. Though I have conflicting emotions about this song. One part of me wants to study anatomy and wait for my ex-boyfriend to call, adn the other part of me wants to lie in bed with a different boy with the album on vinyl. I'll take the latter, that album was made for vinyl. (92)

#16 -- "A Kiss to Build a Dream On" Louis Armstrong -- I'm a romantic. And I love Armstrong. (92)

#15 -- "Goodbye My Lover" James Blunt -- I like to wallow. A lot. And nothing serves a good wallow than a depressing song. (94)

#14 -- "White Christmas" Otis Redding -- He made that song sexy. It's amazing and can listen to it for hours. (101)

#13 -- "Brown Eyed Girl" Van Morrison -- The only song for girls with brown eyes. All you girls with other colored eyes can just go enjoy all your other songs. (103)

#12 -- "Bright Smile" Josh Ritter -- Again, I love his music. LOVE IT. And I like to pretend he's singing about my bright smile and dark eyes. (105)

#11 -- "Here at the right time" Josh Ritter -- Josh, you're always here at the right time. Well your music is. (106)

#10 -- "Turn Me On" Norah Jones -- We'll keep those memories private. Just suffice it to say that this belongs on vinyl. (108)

#9 -- "You Make Me Feel So Young" Frank Sinatra -- You know that part in Elf where Buddy takes that girl on the date and they skip around the city to this song? Yeah, that'd be awesome. (108)

#8 -- "Your Precious Love" Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell -- This is a good song to sing in the shower. Especially as a duet. (109)

#7 -- "Where Could I Go?" Ben Harper and the Blind Boys of Alabama -- Beautiful. I don't even know what to say about this song. Except that it's beautiful. (110)

#6 -- "The Luckiest" Ben Folds -- I went to a wedding this summer where the groom sang a song as his vows, and I think that if a song were to be sung to me as vows, I'd like it to be this one. (113)

#5 -- "California" Josh Ritter -- All about waiting for your chance and knowing when the time is right. Good song. (120)

#4 -- 'One Flight Down" Norah Jones -- I like this song because I like to pretend that my life is somehow as important as this song makes the person living downstairs seem. And I've always got a song on low. (130)

#3 -- "Moon River" Henry Mancini -- I like to dance with boys to this song. Waltzes. It makes me feel very sophisticated, and like I belong in the sixities. (143)

#2 -- "At Long Last Love" Frank Sinatra -- Because why wouldn't you love a song that's all about how wonderful the world seems when you've first fallen in love? (149)

#1 -- "Kathleen" Josh Ritter -- This song gives me butterflies. Like the butterflies you feel when you've just seen the boy that you really really like. Because on the inside I'm still a junior high girl. (152)

First time

Well, a blog. I've been reading blogs for years now. The combination of living alone, wireless internet and a trusty iBook proved to be tempting while slogging my way through nursing school. Late nights that were spent awake in panic and anxiety were often used to read random blogs. And so I'd thought I'd try this out.
I suppose I could talk about me. I'm a recent college grad. Just got my BSN (Bachelor's of Science in Nursing), and passed my "boards." I've also moved from a small town of 20,000 to a much larger city. It's a weird transition, moving from an idyllic university town that I knew like the back of my hand to a city where no one knows my name. Well other than my three roommates and their wretched cat. But all in all change is generally good. Right?
I start a new job on Monday, but for the weekend I'm headed back home for the wedding of an old friend. Should be all fun and games. I guess.
I'm just ready to do something again. And maybe I'll find inspiration for something worthwhile to write about.