My Papa's Waltz
Theodore Roethke
The whiskey on your breath
Could make a small boy dizzy
But I hung on like death:
Such waltzing was not easy.
We romped until the pans
Slid from the kitchen shelf;
My mother's countenance
Could not unfrown itself.
The hand that held my wrist
Was battered on one knuckle;
At every step you missed
My right ear scraped a buckle.
You beat time on my head
With a palm caked hard by dirt,
Then waltzed me off to bed
Still clinging to your shirt.
6.09.2011
5.27.2011
Revoked
Reasons why calling me an "adult" is laughable:
1. The state of my bedroom floor.
1a. No, that isn't a new rug. Just clothes.
1b. Yes, clean and dirty. Mixed together. On the floor. (Fancy!)
1c. Oh! And some towels, from the clean kitchen and bathroom? Just throw them there...on the floor!
2. My inability to stay focused on ANYTHING for longer than 10 minutes.
2a. I have to set a timer to remind myself to go check my laundry.
2b. The cycle lasts only 30 minutes. But I cannot manage this without the timer. Oi.
3. The fact that I still justify "treats" for myself when managing my behavior at the grocery store.
3a. Fact. I was a Trader Joe's and bought myself one of these, because I'd done such a good job with healthy shopping.
3b. Yes I realize how silly the purchase is. I haven't eaten it.
3c. Yet.
4. My absurd love of the color pink, and the fact that i am compelled to purchase items just because they are pink.
5. The fact that I bought two 8 packs of mini croissants for work tomorrow, thought "12 will be perfect!" and then was surprised when I had 16 to arrange on a baking tray.
5a. The scary thing about this is the fact that I have to do math at work. Frequently.
5b. And sometimes that math means important things, you know, involving keeping people alive.
6. The fact that only 15 made it on to the baking tray because I dropped one on the floor.
6a. The fact that i picked it up, and put it back on the tray.
6b. And then took it right back off.
6c. And then put it on, and then off.
6d. And then put it in the toaster oven on "defrost" just to see what would happen.
7. The fact that it smelled like burning in my kitchen and I couldn't figure out why.
They should really take my adult license away.
1. The state of my bedroom floor.
1a. No, that isn't a new rug. Just clothes.
1b. Yes, clean and dirty. Mixed together. On the floor. (Fancy!)
1c. Oh! And some towels, from the clean kitchen and bathroom? Just throw them there...on the floor!
2. My inability to stay focused on ANYTHING for longer than 10 minutes.
2a. I have to set a timer to remind myself to go check my laundry.
2b. The cycle lasts only 30 minutes. But I cannot manage this without the timer. Oi.
3. The fact that I still justify "treats" for myself when managing my behavior at the grocery store.
3a. Fact. I was a Trader Joe's and bought myself one of these, because I'd done such a good job with healthy shopping.
3b. Yes I realize how silly the purchase is. I haven't eaten it.
3c. Yet.
4. My absurd love of the color pink, and the fact that i am compelled to purchase items just because they are pink.
5. The fact that I bought two 8 packs of mini croissants for work tomorrow, thought "12 will be perfect!" and then was surprised when I had 16 to arrange on a baking tray.
5a. The scary thing about this is the fact that I have to do math at work. Frequently.
5b. And sometimes that math means important things, you know, involving keeping people alive.
6. The fact that only 15 made it on to the baking tray because I dropped one on the floor.
6a. The fact that i picked it up, and put it back on the tray.
6b. And then took it right back off.
6c. And then put it on, and then off.
6d. And then put it in the toaster oven on "defrost" just to see what would happen.
7. The fact that it smelled like burning in my kitchen and I couldn't figure out why.
They should really take my adult license away.
4.28.2011
sky grey sky
Today was a much better day than yesterday. A hundred percent better, a hundred and fifty percent better even. I was up before 11, dressed in real clothes before noon and even managed to eat three separate meals today. (And all of the malt balls my mom sent in my Easter basket. Yes I'm 28 and my mom still sends me an Easter basket. Shut up.)
Yesterday was a bad day. Not a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Just a bad day. A day when I didn't get out of bed till 11, didn't get dressed until 1:30, and barely managed to get out of my orange chair at all.
Sometimes the rain is simply too much. Sometimes living in Portland is like living at the bottom of a sink filled with old dishwater. It's grey, it's wet and there is an oppressive heaviness just above you.
Yesterday was a bad day. Not a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Just a bad day. A day when I didn't get out of bed till 11, didn't get dressed until 1:30, and barely managed to get out of my orange chair at all.
Sometimes the rain is simply too much. Sometimes living in Portland is like living at the bottom of a sink filled with old dishwater. It's grey, it's wet and there is an oppressive heaviness just above you.
4.25.2011
LAYER ONE:
* Name: Kristen
* Birthdate: February 18, 1983
* Birthplace: Lewiston, Idaho
* Current Location: Portland, Oregon
* Eye Color: Brown
* Hair Color: Dark Brown (much darker than I ever thought it would be naturally...thank you years of swimming and lifeguarding!)
* Height: 5′5″ish
* Righty or Lefty: Righty
* Zodiac Sign: Aquarius
LAYER TWO:
* Your Heritage: Basque and Irish
* The shoes I wore today: My running shoes. Mostly barefoot though.
* Your weakness: Pastries
* Your fears: accidentally killing a patient. Failure.
* Your perfect pizza: the gourmet veggie one at Papa Murphy's
* Goal you’d like to achieve: I'd like to go to grad school. I don't know what for though...
LAYER THREE:
* Your most overused phrase on AIM: I don't use AIM. I do facebook chat with my brother though. And I say "blurgh" frequently.
* Your first waking thoughts: “Nooooooooooo........”
* Your best physical feature: My....toes. Ha. I don't know. I'm pretty okay with how I look.
* Your most missed memory: The easy close friendships of high school and college.
LAYER FOUR:
* Pepsi or Coke: Diet Coke. Only Diet Coke.
* McDonald’s or Burger King: Um. I guess McDonalds, since I like their fries and shakes.
* Single or group dates: Um. Single.
* Adidas or Nike: I should say Nike, considering I live in Oregon. But my running shoes are Addidas. And I love them.
* Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Pass. Diet Coke, please.
* Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
* Cappuccino or coffee: Yes, please.
LAYER FIVE:
* Smoke: Never.
* Cuss: More than I'd like to.
* Sing: Frequently. Especially in the car or shower.
* Take a shower every day: For sure.
* Do you think you’ve been in love: Yes.
* Want to go to college: I'd like to go to grad school.
* Liked high school: I did.
* Want to get married: Someday.
* Believe in yourself: Yes. Yes, most days I do.
* Get motion sickness: Yeah, on boats and in elevators. Weird.
* Think you’re attractive: I'm not repulsive. But I'm not "hott."
* Think you’re a health freak: Oi. I think about health frequently. (Which is good, considering my chosen profession.) And I try to make healthy choices....yet I do love those pastries.
* Get along with your parent(s): I do.
* Like thunderstorms: Sure.
* Play an instrument: Nope.
LAYER SIX: In the past month…
* Drank alcohol: Yes
* Smoked: No
* Done a drug: Aleve. And tylenol. And benadryl.
* Made Out: Yes.
* Gone on a date: No
* Gone to the mall: Yes. In Vegas. Blurgh.
* Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No. Never have, actually.
* Eaten sushi: Gross.
* Been on stage: No
* Been dumped: No
* Gone skating: No
* Made homemade cookies: Yes!
* Dyed your hair: No
* Stolen Anything: No
LAYER SEVEN: Ever…
* Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yes.
* If so, was it mixed company: I’m sorry, do people do that not in mixed company??
* Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yes.
* Been caught “doing something”: No? What does this mean? I was caught watching VH1's "You're Cut Off" which was slightly embarrassing.
* Been called a tease: No.
* Gotten beaten up: Never.
* Shoplifted: I tried once, but I felt so bad I took the thing back.
* Changed who you were to fit in: Would that work?
LAYER EIGHT:
* Age you hope to be married: No idea. Whenever it happens, I guess.
* Numbers and Names of Children: I have no kids. Just some plants.
* Describe your dream wedding: Uhhhh… one that results in a healthy, lasting marriage?
* How do you want to die: At home. In my sleep. Without agony.
* Where you want to go to college: I already went to college.
* What do you want to be when you grow up: No idea.
* What country would you most like to visit: Austria.
LAYER NINE:
* Number of drugs taken illegally: One.
* Number of people I could trust with my life: At least four, but probably more.
* Number of CDs that I own: Several. And they're all still in a box somewhere.
* Number of piercings: 2, each earlobe.
* Number of tattoos: zero
* Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: Oh geez, I have no idea.
* Number of scars on my body: Lots.
* Number of things in my past that I regret: Um. At the very least 3?
* Name: Kristen
* Birthdate: February 18, 1983
* Birthplace: Lewiston, Idaho
* Current Location: Portland, Oregon
* Eye Color: Brown
* Hair Color: Dark Brown (much darker than I ever thought it would be naturally...thank you years of swimming and lifeguarding!)
* Height: 5′5″ish
* Righty or Lefty: Righty
* Zodiac Sign: Aquarius
LAYER TWO:
* Your Heritage: Basque and Irish
* The shoes I wore today: My running shoes. Mostly barefoot though.
* Your weakness: Pastries
* Your fears: accidentally killing a patient. Failure.
* Your perfect pizza: the gourmet veggie one at Papa Murphy's
* Goal you’d like to achieve: I'd like to go to grad school. I don't know what for though...
LAYER THREE:
* Your most overused phrase on AIM: I don't use AIM. I do facebook chat with my brother though. And I say "blurgh" frequently.
* Your first waking thoughts: “Nooooooooooo........”
* Your best physical feature: My....toes. Ha. I don't know. I'm pretty okay with how I look.
* Your most missed memory: The easy close friendships of high school and college.
LAYER FOUR:
* Pepsi or Coke: Diet Coke. Only Diet Coke.
* McDonald’s or Burger King: Um. I guess McDonalds, since I like their fries and shakes.
* Single or group dates: Um. Single.
* Adidas or Nike: I should say Nike, considering I live in Oregon. But my running shoes are Addidas. And I love them.
* Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Pass. Diet Coke, please.
* Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
* Cappuccino or coffee: Yes, please.
LAYER FIVE:
* Smoke: Never.
* Cuss: More than I'd like to.
* Sing: Frequently. Especially in the car or shower.
* Take a shower every day: For sure.
* Do you think you’ve been in love: Yes.
* Want to go to college: I'd like to go to grad school.
* Liked high school: I did.
* Want to get married: Someday.
* Believe in yourself: Yes. Yes, most days I do.
* Get motion sickness: Yeah, on boats and in elevators. Weird.
* Think you’re attractive: I'm not repulsive. But I'm not "hott."
* Think you’re a health freak: Oi. I think about health frequently. (Which is good, considering my chosen profession.) And I try to make healthy choices....yet I do love those pastries.
* Get along with your parent(s): I do.
* Like thunderstorms: Sure.
* Play an instrument: Nope.
LAYER SIX: In the past month…
* Drank alcohol: Yes
* Smoked: No
* Done a drug: Aleve. And tylenol. And benadryl.
* Made Out: Yes.
* Gone on a date: No
* Gone to the mall: Yes. In Vegas. Blurgh.
* Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No. Never have, actually.
* Eaten sushi: Gross.
* Been on stage: No
* Been dumped: No
* Gone skating: No
* Made homemade cookies: Yes!
* Dyed your hair: No
* Stolen Anything: No
LAYER SEVEN: Ever…
* Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yes.
* If so, was it mixed company: I’m sorry, do people do that not in mixed company??
* Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yes.
* Been caught “doing something”: No? What does this mean? I was caught watching VH1's "You're Cut Off" which was slightly embarrassing.
* Been called a tease: No.
* Gotten beaten up: Never.
* Shoplifted: I tried once, but I felt so bad I took the thing back.
* Changed who you were to fit in: Would that work?
LAYER EIGHT:
* Age you hope to be married: No idea. Whenever it happens, I guess.
* Numbers and Names of Children: I have no kids. Just some plants.
* Describe your dream wedding: Uhhhh… one that results in a healthy, lasting marriage?
* How do you want to die: At home. In my sleep. Without agony.
* Where you want to go to college: I already went to college.
* What do you want to be when you grow up: No idea.
* What country would you most like to visit: Austria.
LAYER NINE:
* Number of drugs taken illegally: One.
* Number of people I could trust with my life: At least four, but probably more.
* Number of CDs that I own: Several. And they're all still in a box somewhere.
* Number of piercings: 2, each earlobe.
* Number of tattoos: zero
* Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: Oh geez, I have no idea.
* Number of scars on my body: Lots.
* Number of things in my past that I regret: Um. At the very least 3?
3.11.2011
A few pictures...
3.08.2011
The Curse
February 23rd marked 9th time I’ve seen Josh Ritter perform in concert. If I were to count the time I saw him play at a peace rally in Friendship Square, it would be the 10th. I basked in the feel-good glow for a week after the concert. I love the aftershocks of amazing evenings.
I fell in love with music the first time I saw Josh Ritter live. A heady all-encompassing love. I’d always liked music, and certainly had plenty of it but had never listened to music that moved me. I never felt the charge of live music. Had never felt like a song was written just for me, or have a song connect with in every fiber of my being. I was 21 years old and sitting in an uncomfortable seat in the Kenworthy theatre, flanked by my parents, and when Josh sang his songs with his eyes closed and his puppy dog smile…. That was it.
It’s been seven years since that first concert and he still sings with his eyes closed and a puppy-dog smile on his face. I still hear the music speak to every fiber of my being. The difference is the memories that are attached to every song. The roller-coaster of emotions that make-up the concert. Giddy happiness from being at the concert, the loneliness of the songs I used to listen to when I lived so isolated in Lewiston, and then there was the aching sadness of “Lantern.”
***
It’s been quite a year, Internet, since I last wrote. Well. I guess every year is “quite a year,” but I still feel like I have a hangover from the end of 2010. All is looking up though. I’ve moved in to a new apartment that’s all my own. I have exciting adventures lined up, and I see signs of spring everywhere.
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