and now for plan A

Can I ask a question?  Why are people so obsessed with being 29?  This is a sincere question. How many people do you hear, when asked their age, say "Oh....I'm 29. Wink wink."  I do not understand.  Frankly (in my experience at least) 29 sucks.  I cannot wait until I turn 30.  Anything will be better than this whole "29" nonsense.  It's been a crappy way to end an otherwise awesome decade.  Bring on my thirties!

I am going to spend everyday of my thirties like I live in the 30's. Bring on the bootlegging!

  I know you're probably thinking that I'm being generally grumpy today. (True.)  Or maybe you've known me a long time and you're thinking "honestly Kristen, you've always been about 35 on the inside." (Also true.)  But I swear to you this is not a product of a crappy mood.  I sincerely feel that my 29th year has been a struggle.  I've struggled to balance an all-consuming depression with the demands of marathon training.  I've formed horrible diet habits by indulging the voracious hunger that comes from intense training.  I had stress fractures, and eventually gave in to my depression.  I spent 5 weeks essentially glued to my couch, watching more television than ever.  And I was ashamed of it.  I've gained a significant amount of weight, and watched as my depression/body image issues have reshaped every aspect of my life...and not in good ways.  And I haven't learned to use my sewing machine.

Yeah, I feel like this.

And also like this.

HOWEVER this is where I stop and realize I still have three months until my 30th birthday.  There's still time to turn 29 around.  I mean sure, I realize it's like throwing...something at sometime...I don't know any appropriate sports metaphors.... But still, I have a plan.

THE PLAN:

1. Enjoy the holidays.   Likely you're thinking, duh doy. But, most years my "holidays" are simply Thanksgiving.  This year, however, I will be spending Thanksgiving with Chris' family, and Christmas with my family.  (Yay! Christmas with my parents! First time since 2006!)

2. Continue Weight Watchers.  Yes. I do weight watchers, well...rather I've been paying for weight watchers for a year...and have finally started participating again.  It's shocking to see how much CRAP one can eat in a day.

3. Sign up for races through out 2013.  I've already got three on my place.  The Vancouver Half Marathon.  The Missoula Half Marathon. And Hood to Coast. (No falls 2013!)

4. Continue Personal Training.  It's kicking my ass. In a good way.

5. Let go of perfection.  I am not perfect and I should not expect myself to be perfect.  I'll repeat it again.  I am not perfect, and I should not expect myself to be perfect.


Yeah.  That's about it.  Maybe I'll start blogging about running again.  And how my goal is to get down to a 10 min mile by Feb.  (Yeah. I'm slow. But...I haven't given up yet!)

Also on my mind.  Spinning.  Good cross training or no? 

uno mundo

There are times, like this exact moment, when I miss Moscow so much I can taste it. You see I am sitting in a coffee shop, World Cup Coffee & Tea, studying for the GRE and all I can think about is how much I miss One World Café.

During last year and a half of nursing school, when going to library made me realize just how young college freshmen are, I studied exclusively at One World. I was there so often the baristas knew my order and often had it waiting for me, in fact, I ran into on the baristas here in Portland the other day and she referred to me as “hey! Hazelnut latte!” (Oh man do I miss those hazelnut lattes.) I was one the regulars. All the faces were familiar, and I had nicknames for all the other regulars. I shudder to think what their nicknames for me were.

Such is not the case with World Cup Coffee & Tea. For one, it’s not even in Portland, but Beaverton, so I’m stuck people watching in the suburbs. (It is, however, attached to a Powell’s location, thus the basis of its appeal.) There aren’t any Hot Construction Workers, or weird haired people, just old women, businessmen and mommies and their children. Note to self: don’t move to the suburbs at this point in my life. I miss the Moscow-People. I miss the essence of One World. I miss sitting at the table with the secret drawer.

I’m sitting in a coffee shop, listening to Ben Folds, and missing Moscow.

Do you know what the weird thing about it is? I have a longing for Moscow, but not necessarily for home. Moscow and home are not synonymous anymore. Well, Moscow will always be home in the sense that it’s where I’m from, where my parents are and it will always be a place of comfort. But my heart isn’t there, and I don’t belong in Moscow anymore.
I’m very much in love with Portland, and am quite happy here. I don’t know how long this will last or how long I’ll be here. But for now, Portland is home.

tea wisdom

Some advice from my chai tea:

The irony of commitment is that it's deeply liberating - in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.