Dear Kristen,
I just wanted to drop you a line to let you know that the new gear you purchased at the Nike Employee Store last week is NOT for running.  It is for "training."  (Silly me, I thought running was training.)  Like, strength training (I guess) and working out with your personal trainer.  Your new capris? Totally not for running.  Remember that time you tried to wear them as you ran? How by the end of the first block you were afraid bystanders were going to mistake you for a teenage boy who doesn't know how to pull up his pants?  Yeah...that isn't a good look when your "pants" look like this: 

They don't look like this on me. Nope. Not at all.

 

  It is a good thing that they're wildly comfortable, but stop fantasizing about wearing them all of the time.  They will start to smell and you will lose your friends.

Also, stop wearing your new sports bra while running.  It's chafing you.  On your neck.  You look like you have hickeys all the time.  You can wear your other bras, you know the ones that don't chafe?  If you continue down this line you'll be a chafed smelly person.  Do you want to be that person? I know you don't.  Just stop.

Thanks dear! I just don't want you to lose your friends. I really do have your best interests at heart.

Lots of love,
Kristen

P.S. Will you please, for the love of all you hold dear, PLEASE START YOGA AGAIN.