and now for plan A

Can I ask a question?  Why are people so obsessed with being 29?  This is a sincere question. How many people do you hear, when asked their age, say "Oh....I'm 29. Wink wink."  I do not understand.  Frankly (in my experience at least) 29 sucks.  I cannot wait until I turn 30.  Anything will be better than this whole "29" nonsense.  It's been a crappy way to end an otherwise awesome decade.  Bring on my thirties!

I am going to spend everyday of my thirties like I live in the 30's. Bring on the bootlegging!

  I know you're probably thinking that I'm being generally grumpy today. (True.)  Or maybe you've known me a long time and you're thinking "honestly Kristen, you've always been about 35 on the inside." (Also true.)  But I swear to you this is not a product of a crappy mood.  I sincerely feel that my 29th year has been a struggle.  I've struggled to balance an all-consuming depression with the demands of marathon training.  I've formed horrible diet habits by indulging the voracious hunger that comes from intense training.  I had stress fractures, and eventually gave in to my depression.  I spent 5 weeks essentially glued to my couch, watching more television than ever.  And I was ashamed of it.  I've gained a significant amount of weight, and watched as my depression/body image issues have reshaped every aspect of my life...and not in good ways.  And I haven't learned to use my sewing machine.

Yeah, I feel like this.

And also like this.

HOWEVER this is where I stop and realize I still have three months until my 30th birthday.  There's still time to turn 29 around.  I mean sure, I realize it's like throwing...something at sometime...I don't know any appropriate sports metaphors.... But still, I have a plan.

THE PLAN:

1. Enjoy the holidays.   Likely you're thinking, duh doy. But, most years my "holidays" are simply Thanksgiving.  This year, however, I will be spending Thanksgiving with Chris' family, and Christmas with my family.  (Yay! Christmas with my parents! First time since 2006!)

2. Continue Weight Watchers.  Yes. I do weight watchers, well...rather I've been paying for weight watchers for a year...and have finally started participating again.  It's shocking to see how much CRAP one can eat in a day.

3. Sign up for races through out 2013.  I've already got three on my place.  The Vancouver Half Marathon.  The Missoula Half Marathon. And Hood to Coast. (No falls 2013!)

4. Continue Personal Training.  It's kicking my ass. In a good way.

5. Let go of perfection.  I am not perfect and I should not expect myself to be perfect.  I'll repeat it again.  I am not perfect, and I should not expect myself to be perfect.


Yeah.  That's about it.  Maybe I'll start blogging about running again.  And how my goal is to get down to a 10 min mile by Feb.  (Yeah. I'm slow. But...I haven't given up yet!)

Also on my mind.  Spinning.  Good cross training or no? 

and a few steps back

Today is a typical March day in Portland.  It's raining, not a downpour but rather a quiet drumming on my aluminum window shades.  The sky is grey, but not oppressively so.  And though the thermometer reads a balmy 52 degrees (considerably warmer than last week) I can still feel a slight chill in the air.  All in all it's a great day to listen to Adele with a nice mug of Lady Grey tea.

[Side note: how much do I love "One and Only?" I could listen to that song on repeat for days.]

Personal Training: Session 6

My body is strong.  My body is beautiful.  


I love to move.  To feel my body.


I've been disconnected for too long.  I'm getting back into my skin. 
 (thanks TheBerry for the motivation!)

It's no secret that I have body dysmorphic tendencies.  (Tendencies, not BDD.)  I'm certainly not the only one who is unhappy with their appearance.  I can't think of one friend who is satisfied with their physical appearance.  Which is silly because I have some mighty fine friends.  (You're welcome.) 

Earlier this year, say about a month ago, I was in a dark place.  My body image was at an all time low, and the subsequent anxiety was crippling.  I was in a place where meeting my friends for drinks would cause a mild panic attack.  My boyfriend heard nothing but a litany of how unhappy I was and how fat I felt.  (How fun for him.) Thankfully Chris is a supportive and patient man, and time and again he would talk me down from the ledge.  He'd also reassure me that I am "cute as hell." Awww.  However he didn't completely let me off the hook, because every time I'd complain he would ask what I could do to start making myself feel better.  Every single time I'd answer "I need to start working out again."

So simple. So true.

I'm only three weeks into working out with Alison/training for the MARATHON and I already feel more like myself.  I'm not 100% or even 75% satisfied with my physical appearance, but I'm not dwelling on it.  I don't have anxiety attacks when I think about what I'm going to wear in public.  I appreciate my body.  I have respect for my body.  It is strong, it is getting stronger.  Running is getting easier and is feeling great.  I'm sleeping more soundly.  I made it through 90 min of Bikram Yoga after work yesterday.  Thank you, Body. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I'm not out of the dark entirely, but everyday is getting lighter.

Hooray!

Today's Workout:

30 seconds jumping-jacks

2x

10x backward lunge w/ 8lb wt both hands

10x shoulder raises to side and front

15 push-ups

10x med ball v-hold crossovers

10x foam roller balance scissor kicks

5x foam roller balance leg raises

15x walking lunge & high knee w/ med ball above head

30 second plank

10x biceps on machine 

30 second plank

10x biceps on machine

15x walking lunge & high knee w/ med ball above head

2x

30 sec kettlebell half swing (30 sec each arm)

8x bosu ball lunges (each leg)

Treadmill

w/u 5 min

Run 4 min

fast walk 2 min

run 6 min

fast walk 3 min

run 4 min

fast walk 3 min

c/d 5 min

(I missed a day.  No. I skipped writing about a session, I didn't miss the work out.  It was good. I sweated a lot.  I was sore the next day.  I had visitors in town, so I didn't want to ignore them in favor of this blog.)