But I'm not a cheerleader....

There have been signs posted around my gym for a couple weeks advertising a 90 day team fitness/weight loss challenge called "In It To Win It!"

Did you know this movie existed?

Sadly, my questions to my trainer dashed my hopes of ever becoming a Rancho Carne High School Toros cheerleader.  Boo.  But how will I ever get the boy if I'm not a cheerleader?

I spent most of 2000-2001 wondering what it would be like to kiss him.

Anyway, after seeing these posters for weeks I finally asked "what's the deal with this in it to win it thing?"  And Lexie, my awesome trainer, gave me an exciting speech talking about how it's a team competition with five team member, a trainer, and the team that loses the most weight (by percentage) gets....something.  I don't remember what the reward is.  Other than, you know, the sense of accomplishment and a healthier body.  Frankly, most of what I got out of that conversation was the parallel to The Biggest Loser. 

But as I went about my life the next several days, I found myself talking to more and more people about "the biggest loser thing my gym is doing."  And I kept thinking how awesome it would be to have that accountability, and the 90 days of help in setting up healthy habits.  This could be good for me.  Challenging, undoubtedly, but a good thing.  So the next time I saw Lexie I told her I wanted to do it.  Yay! And I told her I didn't want to be on the orange team.  (Apparently there are team t-shirts we can wear. And I look awful in orange. And yellow. And green.)

So I'm signed up.  I have my paperwork.  I made my goals.  I thought of compelling reasons why my goals are important to me (other than, you know, I just wanna.)  I know I'm on team black.  It starts the Saturday after Christmas.  I'm excited. And nervous.  And I'm going to put the commitment I signed up here for the whole internet to see.  (Or the tiniest corner of the internet that reads my rarely updated blog.)

I am committing to doing everything in my power to reach my goal of losing 15 pounds in the next 90 days.  I will do this by continuing to work with my trainer twice a week and will train on my own at least 4 times a week.  In order to reach my goals I need to focus on the following three main objectives:

1. I will develop healthy&balanced&mindful eating habits.  I will plan my meals, and no longer eat simply as a reaction to hunger.
2. I will incorporate exercise on "work days"  even when those days include a 12 hour shift.
3. I will eat my vegetables.  5 servings a day.  (I majorly struggle with this.)
4. I will go to yoga.  I am unflexible.  Yoga will help.

Reaching my goals is important to me because:

1. I WILL run a marathon in 2013.
2. I am tired of being ashamed of my body.  I will let go of what it isn't and revel in what it is.  
3. I'm turning 30 in February.  Why not start out my 4th decade with fierce determination?

This is why I am not going to let anything stand between me and my goals!

So, that's it.  I have the faintest of ideas that I'll blog every day of this 90 challenge, to clock every workout on here.  But...maybe I'll keep my journal and just update once/twice a week.

SIx thought Monday

I have six short thoughts I thought about writing about today, but couldn't develop anything longer than a sentence.  Let's just get to it:

1. There was a little girl in Zupan's today who was wearing her tap shoes.  Every step she took was an obvious attempt to make as many taps as possible.  She was loving it.  It totally made my day.

2. I was at Zupan's to pick up some last minute items for dinner.  One was a can of black beans, and heavens am I glad I decided to check the labels before I bought the eye level can.  It was shocking how much sodium was in the can.  400 mg.  WOW.

3. I've been doing weight watchers, and it's frustrating.  Mostly because I haven't broken the bad habits that I created this year.  Boo.  Oh well. Hopefully it'll be equally hard to break the new habits that I'm forming.

4. I'm determined to start Spinning classes.  I think it will be a good addition to my cardio regimen.  I'm a little nervous though, as my favorite part of bike riding is the coasting.  There's no coasting in Spinning. 

5. I totally knocked it out of the park in my run today.  I maintained 10:00/mile pace.  It was only 2.5 miles, but still.  I'm stoked. YAY!!

6. I have some seriously tight calves and achilles tendons.  I need advice on how to stretch them out.  And I also need the follow through to actually do the stretches.  Kay, thanks!!

and now for plan A

Can I ask a question?  Why are people so obsessed with being 29?  This is a sincere question. How many people do you hear, when asked their age, say "Oh....I'm 29. Wink wink."  I do not understand.  Frankly (in my experience at least) 29 sucks.  I cannot wait until I turn 30.  Anything will be better than this whole "29" nonsense.  It's been a crappy way to end an otherwise awesome decade.  Bring on my thirties!

I am going to spend everyday of my thirties like I live in the 30's. Bring on the bootlegging!

  I know you're probably thinking that I'm being generally grumpy today. (True.)  Or maybe you've known me a long time and you're thinking "honestly Kristen, you've always been about 35 on the inside." (Also true.)  But I swear to you this is not a product of a crappy mood.  I sincerely feel that my 29th year has been a struggle.  I've struggled to balance an all-consuming depression with the demands of marathon training.  I've formed horrible diet habits by indulging the voracious hunger that comes from intense training.  I had stress fractures, and eventually gave in to my depression.  I spent 5 weeks essentially glued to my couch, watching more television than ever.  And I was ashamed of it.  I've gained a significant amount of weight, and watched as my depression/body image issues have reshaped every aspect of my life...and not in good ways.  And I haven't learned to use my sewing machine.

Yeah, I feel like this.

And also like this.

HOWEVER this is where I stop and realize I still have three months until my 30th birthday.  There's still time to turn 29 around.  I mean sure, I realize it's like throwing...something at sometime...I don't know any appropriate sports metaphors.... But still, I have a plan.

THE PLAN:

1. Enjoy the holidays.   Likely you're thinking, duh doy. But, most years my "holidays" are simply Thanksgiving.  This year, however, I will be spending Thanksgiving with Chris' family, and Christmas with my family.  (Yay! Christmas with my parents! First time since 2006!)

2. Continue Weight Watchers.  Yes. I do weight watchers, well...rather I've been paying for weight watchers for a year...and have finally started participating again.  It's shocking to see how much CRAP one can eat in a day.

3. Sign up for races through out 2013.  I've already got three on my place.  The Vancouver Half Marathon.  The Missoula Half Marathon. And Hood to Coast. (No falls 2013!)

4. Continue Personal Training.  It's kicking my ass. In a good way.

5. Let go of perfection.  I am not perfect and I should not expect myself to be perfect.  I'll repeat it again.  I am not perfect, and I should not expect myself to be perfect.


Yeah.  That's about it.  Maybe I'll start blogging about running again.  And how my goal is to get down to a 10 min mile by Feb.  (Yeah. I'm slow. But...I haven't given up yet!)

Also on my mind.  Spinning.  Good cross training or no? 

Whoopi-ty-aye-oh!

So I have a new trainer.  Not because anything happened to make me decide to switch from Alison, but because she found full time work elsewhere.  So, yay for her.  And yay for a new trainer, Lexi.  She's pretty awesome so far.

Yay!

So...maybe it's a good thing that I'm BANNED from running the marathon this weekend.  

I got a wicked cold this week.  Wicked enough that I lost my voice today.  Oi.  Makes work interesting.

But enough about all the weirdness that is my health lately....I have FANTASTIC NEWS.

That's right friends, as of tomorrow it has been 5 weeks since I originally saw the doctor AND I CAN FINALLY RUN AGAIN!!!!

Huzzah indeed.

post marathon blues: minus the marathon

I was totally intending to post a glowing review of my 2012 Hood to Coast experience.  It was going to be great, a recap of each leg (including elevation charts), funny (if somewhat tangental) stories about the adventures we had.  Including how I ran 7.5 miles of the hardest run in my van on stress fractures, how my teammates were awesome but had a penchant for taking a hit just before running, how I fell down a mile into my third leg (it's the strangest experience...you're running, and the next thing you know you're on the ground in blinding pain and bleeding everywhere), how 6 strangers huddled on a tarp to sleep in the middle of a field of sleeping people, and how they almost refused to let me into the beer garden at the end because the bouncer thought I had a fake ID (sir please, I am almost 30).  It was a grand experience.  I even had picture of Baby Troll at the top of the mountain to share.  Oh well.

Internet I have been in a funk for the past month.  At first I thought it was because I had to massively cut back on my workouts, everything I seemed to do was super painful.  I'll be the first to tell you I'm much happier when I get any kind of workout in. 

Then it occurred to me....post-marathon depression.  I've been planning and training for this marathon since January, it's been in the back of my mind.  Encouraging me, keeping me off the couch and up and active.   And then, suddenly, I'm NOT doing the marathon and I'm not exercising at all.  And I'm sitting on the couch....and bam.  No wonder I'm a cranky mess all the time.

Is it possible to have post marathon depression without having run the marathon?

I should be in the best shape of my life right now, but instead I've spent five weeks sitting on the couch watching all kinds of bad television.  (Yes. I am now completely caught up with the Kardashians.)

I should be running a marathon in 8 days. My body should be coursing with endorphins, instead I feel sad and empty.

I should be running per the training schedule that's on my fridge, instead I glare at it as I get food out of the fridge.  AND I'm gaining weight because my eating habits haven't changed. 

I am a grumpy person.  All will be better on Oct 8.  That's when I can resume the run. 

Hooray.

ARGH!!

So. 

Here we are, a mere three weeks from the Portland Marathon, and I haven't been for a run in, oh, two weeks.

What?

How can one possibly expect to run a marathon if they haven't been running?  Am I insane?  Am I just blowing caution to the wind?  Do I expect to be one of those crazy people who never trains for a marathon, and yet can miraculously finish?

No.